What does it mean to teach kids manners?

Yesterday, my husband Clay and I had lunch at a local diner with the kids and grandkids. Much of the time both the grandkids played with their games on their computer tablet but there was some conversation. I mentioned to my daughter-in-law, Caroline that last summer the kids were big on manners at the table. Things like:

• Don’t put your elbows on the table when eating!
• Don’t talk with food in your mouth!
• Chew with your mouth closed!
• Don’t begin eating until everyone is served!

But now that the summer is over, everything returned to “normal” and table manners has never come up again.

Caroline said that they were learning manners because the group was going out to a restaurant to eat and the counselors wanted to make sure that the kids learned the basic rules of eating out.

What a good idea. But it only good if we parents and grandparents continue to remind our kids what good manners is all about.  

Do we share the basics like how to properly use a fork and knife? Put a napkin in your lap? Eat small portions so that your mouth isn’t stuffed?

My grandmother use to take my brother and I out…separately. She took me to The Plaza on 5th Avenue in Manhatten where we had tea and small sandwiches. We went to Bergdorf Goodman’s and enjoy a drink and something small to eat while fashion models walked around the tables with the latest clothes. We never brought anything ,but my grandmother showed me how to act like a “lady.”

For my brother it was a different story. He went out with my mom, aunt AND my grandmother. He had to hold the door for them, pull out the chairs at the table and make sure he used the right fork, spoon an knife with each course. He definitely got a workout.

Although we have become a very informal society where women no longer wear white gloves and hats, etiquette and manners still makes a difference.  Take advantage of those small teachable moments like when you serve dinner everyone should wait until you have been served and are seated before they begin eating.

Hope you have a etiquettely wonderful day.

“I am a great writer. I am sure I can get my book published,” says unpublished writer.

“I am a great writer and I have always loved reading children’s books. I am sure I can get my book published.” That is the feeling of many “wanna-be” authors. For those who have tried it they can tell you  it is not that easy.

It is like saying “I know history. I am sure I can write a great historical novel.” Then you think of the 15,000 words  you would have to produce, and then you realize that it is a daunting task. But young children’s books, which average 32 pages and maybe 25 to 50 words a page seems more manageable.

The problem is, if you are thinking that, then so are thousands of other “wanna-be” authors.

Hopewell Junction writer Karen Kaufman Orloff  was one of those “wanna-bes” . “I have been writing for over 20 years,” says Karen, “since my children were babies. I remember reading story books to the kids and thinking ‘I could write stories for kids.’ But once I got into it, I realized it’s a lot harder than it looks.”

It took Karen ten years before she published her first book I Wanna Iguana with the G. P. Putnam publishing group.

But Karen was different from many other writers. She decided to learn the book business. “I attended conferences, took classes, met other authors,” she said,  “and then I submitted my stories to publishers.”

She experienced rejections. Many of them. Karen, who now has four books published, says, “You really need a thick skin.” Even now that she is published she still gets those nasty rejection letters. She says one of the secrets to this book business is perseverance.

“When I first started I would think of cute rhymes… no stories, just a list of fun things. But I learned that I needed a really good, solid beginning, a climax and an ending,” says Karen.

As a teacher in junior high school, I remember teaching kids these same techniques. But after years of not drumming this into our head, we get sloppy. We need to refine our skills whether it is for the historical novel or a children’s book. The same rules apply.

Karen shares  this advice for writers who are working with picture books: You need to understand the visual image you’re creating. It is a 32 page book. Each page must be a different scene. You need to create different visual scenes with your words to sustain the reader.

She  also suggests using humor or some type of emotional connection that tugs at the heart.

 “How do you know if your story has merit?  It is like your baby whom you really love. Share it with others. (In this case it would be writer friends.) It is good to get other people’s opinions. People you trust. Other good writers.

Karen says to remember that sometimes your manuscript gets rejected not because it is not well written, but because it is not a topic of interest for that publisher at that time or they have already published something similar.  

I have published two books by Middletown author Gloria Zawaski. Learn about some of my experiences.

https://theundercoverkids.wordpress.com/2010/02/17/how-a-book-is-born-the-independent-book-stores/

Where are your kids racing to now?

In the film “Race to Nowwhere,” first-time filmmaker Vicki Abeles delves into the issues of the consequences of overscheduled children. The film was recently shown at Mount Saint Mary College in Newburgh to a crowd of parents, teachers and kids.
The medical and emotional problems of Ms Abeles own three children spurred her to find out what is going on in the world of our kids. Through interviews of kids, their teachers and parents and other professionals, she asks whether our kids are being pressured by too much homework and over scheduling.
Many professionals interviewed, from educators to physicians, suggest that our kids are so stressed that they have no time to just be kids. Clubs. Practice. Homework. Community Volunteering. Does it leave children time to ride a bike, have fun running around or to do nothing?
Although the film brought to light many important issues, it tried to cover them all with one broad brush. For example, Abeles asks several teachers about their role in the classroom and gets the classic “I am being encouraged to teach kids how to pass tests.” From that the filmmaker leaps to teaching for tests encourages too much homework which causes too much pressure on our kids which leads to stomachaches and headaches. For me there were just too many leaps.
According to Mount Professor and Hudson Valley Parent columnist, “The greatest stressors for kids, especially for teens, are relationships not the stress of school.” Dr. Schwartz says that 90% of kids love what they are doing, including school.